Always Here
by AnAverageGirl15
Summary: Harvey held it in as long as possible. And she was there to catch him as he fell. Tag to 'Rewind'. Spoilers for 'Rewind'.


**A/N: So I've been up all night. It's 6:16 AM here and I'm mad because I went over my data plan. My mom is going to kill me and I hate that I don't have a job yet to pay for an upgrade in said data plan. So what does any good writer do? I vent by writing a very angsty story. This has been in my head ever since 'Rewind', but I just couldn't get it down in writing. But as I watched the episode for the tenth time, everything just clicked. This is how I wish it had happened and what I think did happen (at least in my own little world in my head). Because this episode just made me cry so much. And that last line. The tears just flooded through. I hope you all enjoy my take on things and I really hope that we **_**finally**_** get some happiness back. Even though I love these episodes, my emotional state can't take much more of this. I'm cracking at the edges over here. Please review, they make me happy! I'll also try and update my other stories sometime this week.**

**Spoilers: Rewind**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

_He's Gone_

As Harvey walked down the now familiar path (alone for the first time), he couldn't help but think back to when it had happened. How she had been there and later on how she had told you what she felt and did.

~SUITS~

He had sauntered back to his office and said happily to Donna as he passed her, "It's done. Hardman's gone." He walked toward his desk with a smile firmly in place, looking over a file as Donna walked in.

She had been waiting anxiously for him to return and now that he was there…she didn't know if she could do it. She took a deep breath before walking straight to him and drawing as much courage as she could she said, "Harvey." And that was enough for her eyes to start welling with tears.

Harvey looked up at her tone and knew the moment he looked into her glassy eyes that something was wrong. He asked concernedly, "What is it?"

Donna just looked at him and took in a shuddering breath. "I don't know how to say this." How was someone supposed to tell someone they cared about such terrible news?

Harvey didn't know it was, but whatever had Donna in such…turmoil. It had to be bad. "Just say it Donna. What?" He already feared the worse – his own eyes starting to mist up.

Donna tried to go with the easiest possible way. "Your dad," and she hated herself for having to give him this news (although she would have it no other way), "He had a heart attack." Her eyes were brimming with unshed tears, willing them to not spill over.

Harvey felt like himself take in an unbelieving breath, before he couldn't breathe anymore as he asked silently the unaskable with his eyes. He willed Donna to not let it be true. He could feel tears start to rise on their own volition and hated it. He just wanted whatever that came next to not be true, because there was only one reason why Donna would be near tears herself.

And then Donna bit her lip and nodded her head as she herself took in a shaky breath through her nose, trying to not breakdown in front of Harvey. He let all the air in his lungs go with a trembling breath as he nodded his head in understanding. His dad…his _dad_ was…gone. Just like that. He clenched his jaw as he tried his hardest to not let the tears fall because…damn, he didn't know anymore why. The only thing he knew was that his dad…he was never going to see his dad again.

Harvey turned slowly to face his record collection, picking out each spot where one of his dad's laid. He took in another breath through his nose as his jaw remained firmly clenched. He was not going to cry, even though that's all he wanted to do. Because his _dad_…and then Donna whispered, "Harvey, I'm so sorry."

He took in another forced breath through his nose as he swallowed heavily (why was it becoming so hard to breathe?) before he said with a trembling voice, "It's okay." And that's when everything finally hit him. His dad was dead. His _dad_ was dead. _His dad was dead._ He breathed out in a whisper of a whisper, "Oh, my god." His jaw started to tremble and he could finally feel that his whole body was tense and it just…hurt. It hurt so much.

Donna turned away slightly because if she looked at him for one more second she knew that there was no way for her to hold back her tears. Because seeing Harvey, her best friend, like this…it broke a little piece inside of you. And she didn't know what she could do in that moment. So, Donna did what she normally did, she tried to make this as easy for him as possible. She let her left hand slip into his left one before whispering, "I'll call Ray."

Harvey merely squeezed her hand in acknowledgement – also drawing _something_ from her (strength perhaps, maybe even courage) – and listened to her leave. He continued to stare at his collection, wishing that wasn't happening. He let his eyes slip shut, letting himself imagine the last time he had seen his dad and how they had laughed and joked and hugged and…oh _god_, his dad was really gone. He turned away from his records, not being able to look at them anymore, and went to sit down. He let his arms rest on his desk as he looked out at the rest of the firm.

Everyone was still walking around, working on various cases, like nothing had happened. But something had. His dad…and then his vision completely blurred out everything. His hands clenched into fists and his breathing became ragged with grief. _His dad…_

Donna just hung up with Ray before shooting a quick glance inside the office. And she nearly sobbed aloud at the sight. Thankfully Jessica walked by then about to thank Harvey for his work. However, Donna intercepted as she said, "Jessica, wait."

Jessica turned to look at Harvey's one and only assistant and confidant, wondering what would make Donna stop her. At the sight at her pink, glassy eyes, she knew something wasn't right. "What happened?"

Donna took in her own shuddering breath again, building up some of her own walls, before saying softly, "Harvey is going to be leaving now. A…family emergency came up." But no matter how tough she could make herself, nothing could stop the quivering of her chin as she finished that last sentence.

Jessica finally looked back at Harvey and saw that the man sat motionless, fists and jaw clenched, and he was trying not to cry. She turned back to Donna and whispered sorrowfully, "No."

Donna pressed her lips together as she nodded her head. "Yeah."

Jessica didn't have any words. She gently patted Donna's hand and told her, "Take as many days as you guys need." With those final words, Jessica left to finish what Harvey had started for her. She was going to get him that partnership, it was the least she could do.

Donna finished packing her things and quietly made it back into his office. He was still staring out, motionless. She placed a hand on his arm and felt how taut his muscles were before whispering, "Harvey, Ray's downstairs."

But nothing happened. He didn't move, it didn't even seem like he had heard her. Donna felt her own tears rise with a vengeance as she said more desperately, "Harvey."

That seemed to snap him out of his daze, but she wasn't ready for the look he gave her. She had never seen him look more like a lost puppy than ever before as he whispered hoarsely, "He's gone."

Donna bit her bottom lip as she nodded, gently grabbing his arm and pulling him up. Because she was not about to break down there. She was willing to do it in the car, hell, even in the elevators, but not here. Thankfully Harvey stood up with no fight in him. They were both just leaving his office as Louis started to walk toward them and call out, "H-dog!"

Donna noticed yet again that Harvey didn't even register his surroundings as she shot Louis a look and quickly shook her head. "Not now." With that the two left Louis looking on in confusion, wondering what could have possibly happened.

They were able to hold out a lot longer than Donna expected. Even though most of the ride to his place was silent, minus the shuddering breath every now and then from both of them, neither broke down there. It was only when Donna closed his door and they were both changed that she heard the first wavering breath leave Harvey.

He had been changing in his bedroom as she changed in his bathroom and just as she walked out she heard it. He was sitting on his bed, again looking at nothing as he stared out. And it was that one breath, where you could just _hear_ all the emotions he was feeling that broke her as well. She quickly made her way to him as he took in another ragged breath. And as she wrapped her arms around him – finally allowing her own tears to spill – did Harvey finally cry.

Harvey only felt three things in that moment. Complete and utter despair. A sadness so overwhelming, it was crushing him. And then warmth that seeped into his bones, letting him know that it was all alright and he didn't have to hold it in anymore, he wasn't alone in this. With that last feeling, he wrapped his own arms around Donna, feeling her own sobs match his as their tears mixed together.

Neither knew how long they stayed like that and they didn't care. But as each finally let out their last few sobs, letting each other go, they just looked at one another. Harvey gently wiped away her tears as she did his. He whispered one more time, "He's gone." Donna could nod sadly again as he continued, "What am I going to do?"

She let a small, very quiet whimper pass her lips before she whispered, "What we always do." She then leaned her forehead against his as she said even more softly, "We lean on each other. We'll make it through this."

Harvey nodded slowly as he gripped her face a little more tightly, willing her not to leave him too. She tightened her own hold on him in response, letting him know she would always be there. Later that night, Donna stopped by the office again. Harvey had called his brother to tell him the news and Donna knew that after that talk he would need something that was in a blank sock amongst various other records. She was just locking his office, with record in hand (she was sticking out like a sore thumb in a pair of jeans and a Harvard t-shirt), when Jessica walked by after having watched Hardman leave.

"Donna. How is he?"

Donna took in a breath as she tried to think of the right word. "He's…dealing."

Jessica nodded in understanding before she told her, "I want you to know that both your hard work hasn't been forgotten or the deal I made with Harvey. I know it might seem a little late, especially with the circumstances, but," Jessica smiled a little sadly at this, "Harvey's going to be getting that promotion along with my old office. I'm just sorry his father wasn't able to see it happen."

Donna smiled at her as she whispered, "Thank you Jessica." She hesitated for a second, before she went with her gut and asked, "Can you remind him of that tomorrow when you tell him? Remind him of how proud he was of his work, please."

Jessica nodded her head before saying, "I will. And Donna, thank you."

Donna cocked her head in confusion. "For what?"

Jessica smiled as she answered, "For being there for him. I don't think he realizes it yet, but he needs you more than he ever thought." With that Jessica turned around and started to walk toward her new office.

Donna smiled softly with a hint of sadness as she whispered to Jessica's retreating form, "He knows. He definitely knows."

And as if to punctuate that point, Donna received a text from him in that moment asking, 'Where did you go?'

She quickly replied back, letting him know that she was on her way back. She knew that they had a long night ahead of them, that would end up with her lying next to him in bed because _both _of them would need that comfort of human contact. They would wake up the next morning and try to pretend that nothing had happened the day prior. They each knew it did, but they only needed each other. No judgment was put out for going back to work so quickly or for not talking about it. Because she knew him and he knew her. And they each knew that they were both still hurting inside. But as long as they had each other, they were going to make it.

They kept up their witty banter and even went for the record on their ritual. Donna had been waiting in his new office though for five minutes longer than was needed to get the thumbtacks and that worried her. She quickly made her way to his old office and found him staring out the window. Just by the look on his face, she knew something had happened within those seven minutes that she wasn't with him and whoever had done that to him, she was going to tear them apart.

She quietly walked up to stand beside him as she whispered, "Harvey?"

Without taking his eyes off the busy streets below he asked, "Have I lost my way Donna? Have I changed into something terrible?"

Donna felt two very different emotions. One was immense anger at whoever was the person to make Harvey question his standing and his ways. The other was, pure heartbreak. She vehemently answered, "No. Harvey, listen to me." She looked at him, even though he didn't look at her, as she continued, "You are still the same man I met at the D.A.'s office. You are still that amazing man that put my old boss in his place for even trying to use his power of me. Don't ever let anyone make you think otherwise. They don't know you like I do. I _know_ you Harvey Reginald Specter. And there's nothing I would change about you."

Harvey finally looked over at her and she felt his hand squeeze both hers (when had she grabbed his?) as he said softly, "I really do miss him."

Donna felt tears prick at her eyes as she whispered back. "I know. I know. But this is how you deal with things and nothing is wrong with that, because only you know how to cope with what has happened. No one else. Not even me."

His own eyes started to mist over as he asked, "And your okay with that? With how I'm dealing?"

Donna nodded as she said, "More than okay." And she didn't care if they _were_ at work, because right then she knew what they both needed. She tugged on his arm a little, before wrapping her arms around him. He reciprocated the offer and they stayed like that for a few more seconds before Donna tried to lighten the mood. "Now, where are those thumbtacks you said you were getting? We have a record to break."

Harvey laughed softly against her shoulder, blowing her hair a little, before giving her one last squeeze. He then headed for his desk and went into his drawer, bringing out three cases and smiling at her.

They were going to be fine.

~SUITS~

Harvey poured out the two shots of his dad's favorite whiskey, Macallan, still hoping that she would show up. Even though he knew that he had lost her forever, he couldn't let go of that hope she always gave him. And as he toasted to his dad's memory and drank the warm, amber liquid, all those memories and those same emotions rose to the surface. As he looked down at the gravestone, feeling his breath hitch ever so slightly, he felt her presence.

He didn't look toward her or even acknowledge that she was there as she stepped next to him, took her own shot, toasted, and then threw it back. It wasn't until he felt her fingers interlock with his that he looked at her.

There she was, his Donna. Even with everything that had happened, all that he had done and hadn't done, she was still there, just like she promised. He whispered as he smiled sadly at her through his own misted eyes, "Hi."

She smiled back, squeezing his hand. "Hi."

He looked back at the gravestone, feeling his throat go thick with emotions. "I didn't think you would show up."

Donna let go of his hand then – and for a fleeting, panic-filled second he thought he had imagined the whole thing – but then she wrapped her arm around his as she leaned her head against his shoulder. The next words that she said to him, sealed his determination to get his life back. "I'm always here for you Harvey."

Somehow he had lost his way in recent months. He had lost the only thing left in his life that mattered. Harvey knew then that he would fight to get Donna back with everything he had. Because without Donna, he just wasn't complete.

_You never missed your well till your well run dry  
Seemed like only yesterday you were here, smiling  
Now you've gone away, but I know you're in a better place  
No traces of you, what can I do, alone and confused_

How long till I see your face, how long till I see your face  
How long till I see your face, how long  
It's just not fair, wish you were here  
Spend all my days wasting away, wish you were here

So I'm living life without you and yes, it's hard to go on  
'Cause your memory means so much to me and I need to stay strong  
Bad as I want you here, it's a shame  
To know you're not coming back

I'll wait a hundred years, I'll cry a million tears  
Till you're back, till you're back, come back now

How long till I see your face, how long till I see your face  
How long till I see your face, how long  
It's just not fair, wish you were here  
Spend all my days wasting away, wish you were here

I'll find the strength to pick my head up  
Time heals all wounds, gotta get right back up  
Miss you again, over again, love will not die  
Walking the road, I see your eyes

I know you're here, right by my side  
Wish you were here, over again

It's just not fair, wish you were here  
Spend all my days wasting away  
Wish you were here, wish you were here  
I just wish you were here, I wish you were here

Wish You Were Here by Lee Fields & the Expressions

FIN

**A/N2: Guys, get ready for a mini-rant. So I had no problem with Zoe throughout 'Sucker Punch' or even the first half of 'Rewind'. But when Zoe started on Harvey about how she thought he would be mourning his father's death and THEN she said that 'He's lost his way', well I was not okay with that. For two major reasons: 1. No one can tell someone how to mourn or how to deal with death. Everyone is different. Plain and simple. 2. I reacted a LOT like Harvey did when my best friend (who was like a brother to me) died. I was still in high school back then, it was a school week, and my mom said I didn't have to go in. But I still went. I think a lot of it had to do with trying to keep some normalcy in my life even though everything else around me was falling apart. It was my anchor in many ways. And I think that it probably was the same for Harvey. It's not that he wasn't sad (HIS DAD JUST DIED! OF COURSE HE'S SAD!), but to deal with that loss, he had to do immerse himself in busy work. What Zoe said just really got under my skin and I just had to add that jab in there where Donna wanted to rip her to shreds for how she made Harvey feel. Because you can see it on his face as he's closing that door. It just broke my heart. *mini-rant over***

**Please review and tell me what you thought. Thank you for reading! **


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